Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Alex O'Loughlin Comes With Death Benefits

By Pam

PuddinKitty and IHEARTTHATGUY were kind enough to share with us the most unique plan we have ever heard of.*

In their devotion to Alex O’Loughlin, they have created a deathbed wish list. It will somehow be communicated to Alex, and he, of course, will feel it would be something he is obliged to fulfill. At the time of an imminent demise, the un-dying one would summon Alex to the bedside. Alex, being the compassionate person they so love him for being, would drop everything and catch the next plane out. The un-dying would bear witness and be sworn to secrecy. The Back-up Plan soundtrack will be playing softly in the background.
These are the last wishes of PuddinKitty or IHEARTTHATGUY (whoever dies first). It is with the deepest respect for the dying that we request Alex O’Loughlin (the actor) to:

 1. Come to my deathbed shirtless and sweaty.
 2. Speak to me in his low, sultry, sexy Mick St. John voice.
 3. Tell me what Nina Tassler whispered to him at the upfronts.
 4. Reveal what he did between the ages of 15 and 20, known as “the lost years.”
 5. Divulge if he was shaved or waxed for the movie Feed.
 6. Tell me he remembers each of the 2,000 cards and letters I have sent him over the years.
 7. Tell me that every Christmas he still wears the Santa/Rudolph penis cozy I crocheted for him in 2007.
 8. Spoon-feed me my last Jell-O cup.
 9. Serenade me with his guitar and sing Monkey Magic as I start to fade.
10. Kiss me on the lips and promise he will think of me every day for the rest of his life.
11. Give the survivor his personal cell phone number (to stay in touch) and his recipe for meatballs.
In anticipation, knowing that either one of us could succumb to a fatal disease or get hit by a bus at any moment, we have vowed to look our best for Alex at all times.
Well, how very interesting. We offer our condolences in advance.

Oh…and ladies, I’d watch your backs if I were you. I hear Alex’s meatballs are "killer."

*PuddinKitty and IHEARTTHATGUY are fictitious screen names. Any similarity to real screen names is strictly coincidental.  I made all this up.  Sheesh....who would really do something nutty like this?


  1. I think an addition should be made to include asking Alex whether his left nut is still numb from the WO experience. :D I wonder about that every day.

  2. LOVE IT! By the way, the hawaiian pidgin translation for Alex's quote of the year in Grace Lee's interview is "kerrang the alas".

  3. I agree with everything except, the first one Alex would be naked and not just shirtless!!!
    Loved it!!!